I feel as if I am gearing up for a marathon. Although this is my first semester back in school after a nice long 5 year break, the feelings of impending doom and the weight of all the final assignments are as familiar as if I had never had a break at all. Along with all the regular assignments, my classes also consist of final tests to study for and final projects to complete. Then you toss in my second daughter graduating from high school, dealing with her stress and the added stress of planning and cleaning for her grad party and of course the stress in general with teenagers anxious for summer vaca (and mine as well!). I feel about ready to implode. (Yes, implode not explode, as I tend to internalize everything.)
I have been using my spare time to work ahead on all my 'regular' assignments, so I can concentrate more fully on the added 'final' assignments coming due. Checking and rechecking my due dates to make sure nothing is missed. Getting all the little assignments done early gives me time to procrastinate (justifiably) working on the bigger, more time consuming final assignments, as well as giving me a some sense of accomplishment to defer the feeling of drowning in paper work for little while.
This big push towards semester-end is also to allow time to enjoy (guilt-free) the down times: visiting with my neice who is here from California, and going to Oshkosh tomorrow to applaud my eldest daughter's much worked for win at the national Model United Nations competition in NYC. (Go UWOSH MUNS! Bringing back top honors in 7/9 categories!!!!) Yeah, I am a proud mommy, even if I don't understand half of what that is all about!
So, "Yea, Me!!" All homework that is due by tomorrow midnight is now done! Homework for all of next week is also completely finished (or nearly so). The semester may actually end on a positive note! I see the finish line up ahead, and I still have stamina left for the final push. And, now I can go enjoy the rest of the weekend!!
Saturday, April 30, 2011
Saturday, April 23, 2011
Hoppy Easter!
This will be a short one this week... Easter weekend and all.
Holidays have always been a big deal for my family. We don't get together very often since 1/2 my family lives up here, and the other 1/2 lives down in Racine, so we all make an effort to make it to whomever is hosting the festivities. This year the Sheboyganites are traveling down to Racine to my brother Mike's. And, the get together will be a dual purpose one, as his daughter was just confirmed. I remember hosting Easter each of the years my kids were confirmed as well.
Easter is a religious holiday. I grew up celebrating it as such. But many people I know just celebrate the Easter Bunny! I seem to have become one of those on-again, off-again religous people. During my grade school and middle school (although it was called Junior High in my day) years, I went to church often and was very devout. Then the high school years hit, and that meant boys, sneaking out to parties, and wanting to sleep late every Sunday. I went sporadically over my twenties, mostly just on holidays, until it was time to get married. Then, although my husband would have perfered eloping, I insisted on the traditional church wedding. That meant going to church more regularly. After I got married, and moved to Sheboygan, I slipped back into being a non-practicing Lutheran. Until, you guessed it, the babies started arriving. Then, of course, it was baptisms and Sunday School, and then later Confirmation classes. I considered it very important to make sure my kids were confirmed. Once confirmed, they were given the option to go to church or not. After my last child was confirmed, we all went less and less and eventually, I slipped back into treasuring my lazy Sundays.
I ran into my Pastor at the gas station the other day. I have to admit, although he doesn't chastize me, feelings of guilt wash over me for days after running into him. I feel like a small child again when I talk to him. The whole time I am praying he won't ask me where I have been. Unfortuneately, guilty feelings or not, I am right back to being a Holiday church goer. But I won't be there for Easter this year, because we will be out of town.
I wonder what my children will do when they get around to marriage and children. I suppose I haven't set a very good church-going example for them. I know that my oldest, being away at college, never attends church. My middle child refuses to go, saying she believes in God, but doens't feel the need to prove it by going to church. (Confirmation classes didn't make that point clear to her, I guess.) My youngest continues to be very religous, he volunteers at Campus Life, goes on mission trips, attends bible studies, etc. But, even he doesn't go to church on Sunday mornings. Looking at my own brothers and sisters, I see that although we were all raised the same, religion didn't 'stick' with over half of us. Out of the five of us, only my brother and I actually got our kids confirmed. And only three of the five of us even got our kids baptized. Although we consider it important to get together every holiday, it is not for religious reasons. It is for family.
I still pray every day. And I do miss church, I have always loved the formality and the community feeling of church. I tell myself that God understands, and plan to go back soon. My family treasures the holidays as a time to be thankful for family and all that God has given us. We try to be good people every day of our lives. My husband has never attended church (except for the baptisms and confirmations of his own children, and the occasional church wedding). He is not quite an atheist, he just doesn't believe in church. He would give the shirt off his back for anyone in need though. And, of course, even though we don't go to church very often anymore, we still celebrate Easter. Easter baskets, Easter egg hunts, the traditional Easter dinners, and of course spending time with my brothers, sisters, neices, and nephews.
As I reread my post, I wonder what my point was when I started. Probably trying to assuage (sp?) my guilt at missing church, yet again. Well, however each of you celebrates, whether it is with church or just the Easter Bunny, I hope everyone uses the day to celebrate family. Happy Easter!
Holidays have always been a big deal for my family. We don't get together very often since 1/2 my family lives up here, and the other 1/2 lives down in Racine, so we all make an effort to make it to whomever is hosting the festivities. This year the Sheboyganites are traveling down to Racine to my brother Mike's. And, the get together will be a dual purpose one, as his daughter was just confirmed. I remember hosting Easter each of the years my kids were confirmed as well.
Easter is a religious holiday. I grew up celebrating it as such. But many people I know just celebrate the Easter Bunny! I seem to have become one of those on-again, off-again religous people. During my grade school and middle school (although it was called Junior High in my day) years, I went to church often and was very devout. Then the high school years hit, and that meant boys, sneaking out to parties, and wanting to sleep late every Sunday. I went sporadically over my twenties, mostly just on holidays, until it was time to get married. Then, although my husband would have perfered eloping, I insisted on the traditional church wedding. That meant going to church more regularly. After I got married, and moved to Sheboygan, I slipped back into being a non-practicing Lutheran. Until, you guessed it, the babies started arriving. Then, of course, it was baptisms and Sunday School, and then later Confirmation classes. I considered it very important to make sure my kids were confirmed. Once confirmed, they were given the option to go to church or not. After my last child was confirmed, we all went less and less and eventually, I slipped back into treasuring my lazy Sundays.
I ran into my Pastor at the gas station the other day. I have to admit, although he doesn't chastize me, feelings of guilt wash over me for days after running into him. I feel like a small child again when I talk to him. The whole time I am praying he won't ask me where I have been. Unfortuneately, guilty feelings or not, I am right back to being a Holiday church goer. But I won't be there for Easter this year, because we will be out of town.
I wonder what my children will do when they get around to marriage and children. I suppose I haven't set a very good church-going example for them. I know that my oldest, being away at college, never attends church. My middle child refuses to go, saying she believes in God, but doens't feel the need to prove it by going to church. (Confirmation classes didn't make that point clear to her, I guess.) My youngest continues to be very religous, he volunteers at Campus Life, goes on mission trips, attends bible studies, etc. But, even he doesn't go to church on Sunday mornings. Looking at my own brothers and sisters, I see that although we were all raised the same, religion didn't 'stick' with over half of us. Out of the five of us, only my brother and I actually got our kids confirmed. And only three of the five of us even got our kids baptized. Although we consider it important to get together every holiday, it is not for religious reasons. It is for family.
I still pray every day. And I do miss church, I have always loved the formality and the community feeling of church. I tell myself that God understands, and plan to go back soon. My family treasures the holidays as a time to be thankful for family and all that God has given us. We try to be good people every day of our lives. My husband has never attended church (except for the baptisms and confirmations of his own children, and the occasional church wedding). He is not quite an atheist, he just doesn't believe in church. He would give the shirt off his back for anyone in need though. And, of course, even though we don't go to church very often anymore, we still celebrate Easter. Easter baskets, Easter egg hunts, the traditional Easter dinners, and of course spending time with my brothers, sisters, neices, and nephews.
As I reread my post, I wonder what my point was when I started. Probably trying to assuage (sp?) my guilt at missing church, yet again. Well, however each of you celebrates, whether it is with church or just the Easter Bunny, I hope everyone uses the day to celebrate family. Happy Easter!
Sunday, April 17, 2011
R.I.P.
Checked my Facebook a little bit ago... A post from a friend, asking for prayers for the family of another friend. No details were posted, but the BIG detail... that a friend had died... was made clear by the R.I.P. at the end.
This is, unfortuneately, how I have learned of other friends' deaths as well. On Facebook. My husband came up the stairs, as I came out of the livingroom. We met in the kitchen and he told me that this person had died. I said, "I just found out, too." He said, "Oh, Facebook." My husband had heard the old-fashioned way. Via telephone. His friends all know he does not "do" Facebook, so they called him to give him the funeral details. I wonder if those will be posted on Facebook later as well.
The last funeral I went to was for a friend of my kids'. FaceBook, being the venting ground of the young, was awash with comments from all who knew this young man (as well as sympathy notes from those who didn't know him, in support of those that did). He (the deceased) even has his own R.I.P. Facebook page. His friends still post on his page, even though nearly a year has passed since his death. It brought fueds to an end, and many reunions of those that had known him and lost touch during or after high school.
But grown ups grieve differently, more privately. Other than the plea for prayers for the family, I am sure this death will not generate the public displays of sorrow that Facebook allows for the young. This upcoming funeral will be much more sedate. But no less heartbreaking for those that loved him. My prayers are with all who knew and loved Jeff. I, myself, did not know him. He is (was?) the brother of one of my husband's closest friends. I know that this will be a hard time for all these men. For all their bluster and joking over the years hides the tenderest parts of their hearts. I know these guys will grieve deeply, but most will do so privately.
I wonder, perhaps, if it is easiser to deal with the grief over the computer. No one sees your tears.
This is, unfortuneately, how I have learned of other friends' deaths as well. On Facebook. My husband came up the stairs, as I came out of the livingroom. We met in the kitchen and he told me that this person had died. I said, "I just found out, too." He said, "Oh, Facebook." My husband had heard the old-fashioned way. Via telephone. His friends all know he does not "do" Facebook, so they called him to give him the funeral details. I wonder if those will be posted on Facebook later as well.
The last funeral I went to was for a friend of my kids'. FaceBook, being the venting ground of the young, was awash with comments from all who knew this young man (as well as sympathy notes from those who didn't know him, in support of those that did). He (the deceased) even has his own R.I.P. Facebook page. His friends still post on his page, even though nearly a year has passed since his death. It brought fueds to an end, and many reunions of those that had known him and lost touch during or after high school.
But grown ups grieve differently, more privately. Other than the plea for prayers for the family, I am sure this death will not generate the public displays of sorrow that Facebook allows for the young. This upcoming funeral will be much more sedate. But no less heartbreaking for those that loved him. My prayers are with all who knew and loved Jeff. I, myself, did not know him. He is (was?) the brother of one of my husband's closest friends. I know that this will be a hard time for all these men. For all their bluster and joking over the years hides the tenderest parts of their hearts. I know these guys will grieve deeply, but most will do so privately.
I wonder, perhaps, if it is easiser to deal with the grief over the computer. No one sees your tears.
Sunday, April 10, 2011
It's a small world, after all...
On Friday I was finally feeling almost human. I was also feeling a bit generous, so when my daughter, Susan, called to beg a ride home from college so she could borrow my car and spend the night in Milwaukee, I agreed. It might sound one-sided to some people, after all she wasn't wanting to come home because she missed her mommy! But I often pick her up for selfish reasons: I like that still needs me, I enjoy an uninterupted hour and half of conversation with my first-born, and I get to hear some really funny stories. My first-born has been on the go since she learned to walk. And she began walking early - 11 months. I don't believe she ever crawled first. From the time she could talk, she talked about going on adventures - and let me tell you, to her, everything was an adventure! She went to Peru at age 15, and she went to Paris at age 17, she has friends in Peru, France, Argentina, England, and Ireland. She keeps in touch with all these people via the internet. It is a small world!
So, as we are driving, she is telling me about her upcoming trip to New York City with MUNs (Model United Nations). Turns out one of the other students in the club is from France. Susan tells me that when they first met, he kept staring at her, saying she looked sooo familiar. He finally asked her if she had ever visited a high school in France. Now, what are the chances of that? He did not really expect an affirmative answer and was prepared to defend himself against an accusation of using a bad pick-up line, when Susan said, "Yes, I was at 'such-n-such' for two days before Winter Holiday in 2009!" Ha! Turns out they have friends in common in France and did indeed spend a little time together back then! They were both amazed to run into each other at Oshkosh and find themselves in the same club. It is a small world!
So, her adventure this weekend was attending a concert in Milwaukee with her cousin, Alisia, and her best friend from high school (and multiple others as well). Her cousin (also my Goddaughter) is dating a boy (man?) from France. While they were hanging out before the concert they got to talking about places they've all been, and places they plan on going to soon. Alisia spent two months in Africa last summer, and plans on touring Europe this summer with her boyfriend. My daughter is understandably jealous, but excited for her own plans for taking a semester studying in Europe next Spring. Now when I was 19 years old, it was exciting just planning for a trip to Six Flags. I had never been out of the midwest, much less the country! But, to give these girls credit, they work hard and pay for these trips themselves. And what an education! They know and understand more about world politics and policies than I ever will. I don't think they even realize that the world is big - they know it as easily accessible, and never more than a few clicks away on the computer, or a plane ticket and a passport away. It is a small world!
My adventures are closer to home. Oh, I have been a few places... down South, out West, even Canada and Jamacai. Some day I hope to make it to Paris. There is an open invitation to stay with my daughter's friend there. My children are my world, and for now I am content seeing the world through their eyes. And I know that no matter where their travels lead them, they are only a phone call, text message, Facebook status, or a needed ride home from college away. It is a small world!
So, as we are driving, she is telling me about her upcoming trip to New York City with MUNs (Model United Nations). Turns out one of the other students in the club is from France. Susan tells me that when they first met, he kept staring at her, saying she looked sooo familiar. He finally asked her if she had ever visited a high school in France. Now, what are the chances of that? He did not really expect an affirmative answer and was prepared to defend himself against an accusation of using a bad pick-up line, when Susan said, "Yes, I was at 'such-n-such' for two days before Winter Holiday in 2009!" Ha! Turns out they have friends in common in France and did indeed spend a little time together back then! They were both amazed to run into each other at Oshkosh and find themselves in the same club. It is a small world!
So, her adventure this weekend was attending a concert in Milwaukee with her cousin, Alisia, and her best friend from high school (and multiple others as well). Her cousin (also my Goddaughter) is dating a boy (man?) from France. While they were hanging out before the concert they got to talking about places they've all been, and places they plan on going to soon. Alisia spent two months in Africa last summer, and plans on touring Europe this summer with her boyfriend. My daughter is understandably jealous, but excited for her own plans for taking a semester studying in Europe next Spring. Now when I was 19 years old, it was exciting just planning for a trip to Six Flags. I had never been out of the midwest, much less the country! But, to give these girls credit, they work hard and pay for these trips themselves. And what an education! They know and understand more about world politics and policies than I ever will. I don't think they even realize that the world is big - they know it as easily accessible, and never more than a few clicks away on the computer, or a plane ticket and a passport away. It is a small world!
My adventures are closer to home. Oh, I have been a few places... down South, out West, even Canada and Jamacai. Some day I hope to make it to Paris. There is an open invitation to stay with my daughter's friend there. My children are my world, and for now I am content seeing the world through their eyes. And I know that no matter where their travels lead them, they are only a phone call, text message, Facebook status, or a needed ride home from college away. It is a small world!
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